Just a few weeks into January, and already you find your resolve faltering? Here are four ways to stand your ground just when you thought giving up was a viable option.
Self-compassion
Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., a health psychologist at Stanford University, in Palo Alto, California, and the author of The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It, is one of the biggest proponents of self-compassion. She emphasizes again and again that the way to muster resolve is through kindness, not criticism. Beating yourself up, contrary to popular opinion, does not help you stick to a diet. What does? A healthy dose of self-compassion. If you have that mindset, you are more willing to learn from your mistakes and prevent them from recurring in the future. It also makes you feel more optimistic that you can break the cycle, change and improve. Once you figure out how you can do it better the next go-round, let it go and move on.
Reward yourself (wisely)
Rewards are tricky. While they can help you with motivation, says Gretchen Rubin, the author of several books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers, Better Than Before, The Happiness Project and Happier at Home, they can also undermine it, by making the material reward more attractive than the intrinsic sense of accomplishment that comes from breaking a debilitating habit. Rewards can also signal an artificial finish line when in fact you are on a continuum. With rewards, you have to navigate the fine line between deprivation and entitlement. You want to feel recognized and appreciated for your hard work, but not to the point of overindulgence. The best reward, says Rubin, is one that reinforces your new habit by taking you into it deeper. For example, reward yourself for a consistent yoga practice by splurging on a new mat, or reward yourself for strenuous exercise with a restorative, indulgent bath bomb.
Overcome obstacles with convenience
To be blunt, the more convenient something is, the more likely we are to do it. By building in layers of convenience to bolster your willpower, you can ward off the bugaboo of insurmountable obstacles. Join a gym that’s close to your home, or to your office. If you are struggling to keep up with your emails, try cutting out salutations and closings (Rubin’s favored strategy) to make your response time quicker.
Feel connected to your future self
Finally, my favorite strategy for willpower management is a sense of connection to my future self. McGonigal points out that people who feel “close to, caring toward and similar to their future selves are more likely to invest in their well-being—an excellent state to be in as we enter a new year.” If you feel like your future self is a stranger, it’s time to become more intimately acquainted. One trick McGonigal suggests is writing a letter to your future self dated 1/17, or a year into the future. Imagine looking back at 2016 creates self-continuity that invites us to be the best versions of ourselves. In your letter, imagine yourself as having achieved your most important goal of the year. Give praise and advice from your future self too. According to McGonigal, research shows that connecting to your future in this direct, personal way gives you the fortitude you need to succeed at making a difficult change.