About to attempt air travel with three kids. Hold me.

by | Updated: December 4th, 2016 | Read time: 2 minutes

I’m really not one of those moms who is so afraid of kid-generated chaos that she never leaves the house. Leaving the state? That’s another story. It’s just that I’m a little airplane-shy. The last time I flew with a toddler, my husband and I ended up buying multiple “Property of Florida” T-shirts for our son and ourselves at the airport gift shop because he caught a severe GI bug (projectile vomiting and diaper insanity) somewhere between Miami and Tampa, and by the time he arrived at our final destination of St. Louis, we needed to buy a round of “Property of Missouri” shirts for us as well. And if only these were my only unhappy travels.

The first time we flew with my daughter, I was still breastfeeding her, and had brought my pump along. Unfortunately, the TSA airport security thought my pump looked like a bomb, and took me, my 6-month-old, 3-year-old and frazzled husband into the “suspicious people” room in the airport as they shut down the entire security lane to diffuse the imaginary explosives in my Medela Pump-in-Style. Of course, they wouldn’t give me the bag that held this dangerous pump while we were waiting–and that bag contained her diapers. And by the time they’d cleared us, we’d missed our flight. That was a fun night.

Now these are misadventures that weren’t my kids’ “fault.” Severe gastrointestinal distress, a milk-squeezing machine that looked like it could take out a small city–the children were the victims of bad luck in these cases.

But then there was the time my son just had a complete stir-crazy meltdown midair and pelted the other passengers with metal Matchbox cars. That was embarrassing. By the time the flight was over, I’d had several people offer me Benedryl. And by “offer,” I mean “suggest menacingly.”

So for my flight tomorrow, I’m packing only soft toy cars, lots of extra clothes, and no baby equipment that could pass for an explosive weapon. It did cross my mind to pack some Benedryl as well. But with my luck, it would make my toddler hyper.

Jorie is the “Vitamom” who edits Momonomics.com. She has three kids, ages 18 months to 9 years, and her favorite “me time” product on Vitacost.com is Yogi Tea Classic India Spice. Which she sometimes gets to enjoy while it’s still hot. When her kids let her.