Fifty Shades of Hot Haikus–winners announced!

by | Updated: December 4th, 2016 | Read time: 2 minutes

Thanks to all you hot mamas who submitted haikus to the Vitacost Fifty Shades of Grey haiku contest. Our panel of judges convened, and the results are in!  First, we have to give honorable mention to Licia P., for her cynical and hilarious take on the whole Fifty Shades mania, because it made us laugh.

Horrible writing.
Twilight for lonely old moms.
Please read something else.

And now for the winners, who each will receive a $100 shopping spree at

Jennifer B.  evoked the chemistry and humor of E.L. James’ writing:

Cherish our kisses;

Sir, don’t stow your twitchy palm;

Trust plus pain make love.


The next $100 prize goes to Laurie C., who is definitely right that Grey-inspired bedroom product sales are up–we can attest to that at!

Kindles on fire;

Fifty shades”¦of black and blue;

Sales of handcuffs up.  


And our last $100 prize goes to Gena R., whose haiku captured the erotic, edgy motif of the original novel:

Silk ties tie me up;

Out comes the whip to punish;

Wrong feels oh so right.

Congrats, ladies! And thanks to all who participated. Your friendly editors had a great time reading through the many submissions we received.

The Fifty Shades of Grey Haiku Contest was judged by the editorial staff: Jorie, Rebecca, Katie, Liz and Andrew. Though she read the infamous trilogy that inspired this contest, Jorie prefers the kinky stylings of poets like Anne Sexton and Anais Nin. Rebecca also listed Anne Sexton as one of her all-time-favorites, along with Sylvia Plath. Liz is a self-professed memoir addict. Katie has read Joseph Heller’s Catch 22  slightly fewer than 22 times, and  Andrew’s favorite author is  Chuck Palahniuk.