[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Millions of Americans, most of them 65 and older, cope with some form of memory loss. But many of us may not be properly equipped to help someone with Alzheimer’s,
dementia or mild cognitive impairment. Even worse, assisting someone who has memory loss can take a physical and emotional toll on the caregiver.
Memory loss is a prevalent and troubling health care issue in the U.S.:
Strategies for caring for someone with dementia
Given the possibility that you’re assisting someone who has memory loss or may wind up doing so in the future, the following advice may ease your journey.
Practice patience
Mike and Kim Barnes of Austin, Texas, manage an online resource called
Parenting Aging Parents. Sadly, the husband-and-wife duo have firsthand experience with parenting aging parents who have memory loss. Mike’s 85-year-old mother has Alzheimer’s disease and lives in a memory care center, while Kim’s 83-year-old mother has dementia and lives in an assisted living center.
Kim says one of her tips for dealing with someone who has memory loss is this: Learn to practice patience.
“It can be very frustrating when they keep asking the same question or sharing the same story over and over again. If I can remember that Mom isn’t trying to annoy me — it’s just that she literally doesn’t remember — I can have more patience,” Kim says.
“One odd gift of dementia that I’ve seen is that you get to keep trying to get it right,” she adds. “If I lose my patience, mom doesn’t remember, so I can try to do better the next time.”
Lead with love
For Mike, one lesson he’s taken to heart is to not worry about what’s missing in a person with memory loss but to simply love that person for who they are.
“Every time I visit my mom, she doesn’t recognize me and doesn’t know my name,” says Mike. “I can’t let that bother me, because I know that’s not a choice she’s making. I can’t take it personally. She’s still my mom, and that hasn’t changed. And I love her for who she still is.”
Also, Kim notes, someone caring for a person with memory loss should keep in mind that while the person’s condition may not be obvious, it’s still a part of them.
“When I look at my mom, she looks completely normal, so it’s hard to imagine that she really can’t remember what she just ate for lunch 15 minutes ago or that we’ve had the same conversation about an upcoming appointment three times in the last 15 minutes,” she says.
“It’s not like when I get introduced to someone new and I immediately realize that I wasn’t paying attention well enough and never caught their name in the first place,” Kim adds. “She has no recollection of the conversation or of calling me five minutes earlier.”
Remember to tread carefully
Kim points out that you should be cautious about using the word “remember” when speaking with someone who has memory loss.
“Our instinct is to say, ‘Remember we just talked about that.’ But I’ve learned that saying ‘remember’ potentially makes her feel bad, isn’t productive and doesn’t help her recall information,” she says.
Kim says she typically repeats information she’s already given to her mom, knowing it’s the disease that’s driving her mom’s behavior and it’s not something her mom is doing on purpose. However, Kim acknowledges, it’s not always easy to follow that path.
Expand your world
Kim further suggests meeting a person with memory loss where they are mentally.
“Someone once shared with me that you can either be kind or right,” she advises. “With more advanced memory loss, try to be in their world. If they’re talking about seeing their mom this morning — a mom who passed away 20 years ago — rather than correcting, you can just say ‘How are they doing?’ or ‘What did you talk about?’”
Kim shares this additional recommendation: Lean on others who are caring for someone with memory loss.
“Being able to surround yourself with others who are going through similar situations can be extremely helpful,” she says. “I’ve learned so much through the experts we’ve interviewed for the Parenting Aging Parents website and our online community. It’s comforting to know that you’re not the only one going through this and we can learn from each other and, in doing so, help each other.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_text_separator title="Featured Products" border_width="2"][vc_row_inner equal_height="yes" content_placement="middle" gap="35"][vc_column_inner width="1/3"][vc_single_image image="185532" img_size="full" alignment="center" onclick="custom_link" img_link_target="_blank" css=".vc_custom_1749919420799{padding-right: 7% !important;padding-left: 7% !important;}" link="https://www.vitacost.com/vitacost-synergy-cognitive-support-60-capsules"][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width="1/3"][vc_single_image image="185530" img_size="full" alignment="center" onclick="custom_link" img_link_target="_blank" css=".vc_custom_1749919438725{padding-right: 7% !important;padding-left: 7% !important;}" link="https://www.vitacost.com/prevagen-extra-strength"][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width="1/3"][vc_single_image image="185531" img_size="full" alignment="center" onclick="custom_link" img_link_target="_blank" css=".vc_custom_1749919454065{padding-right: 7% !important;padding-left: 7% !important;}" link="https://www.vitacost.com/natrol-extra-strength-cognium-memory"][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row]
